I once understood the length of a year. Over the course of
this last 365 days, there were times when the hands on the clock stopped. As if
life wanted me to fully see and feel every little detail in a moment. There is
no measure of time, or stupid metaphor to explain what these moments were like.
Some days I would wake up and I expected to see a different face in the mirror,
one that had aged. What little hair I had, grey, wrinkles and bags of stress
and strain under the eyes, an old man. If I "had" to explain to
someone, I'd say this year felt longer than the 21 I had already lived.
I apologize
for the morbid beginning to my blog, I usually write the way I live. With a
stupid ass grin and a much to positive outlook. But today is special, some
people would say, a day of celebration, I am torn between that and mourning.
Nurses and doctors often call it my second birthday. It's a little misleading.
One year ago today, I received a stem cell transplant. For those who don't know
exactly what that is, I was given a new immune system. I have the immune system
of a 1 year old. Today also marks the killing of my immune system, the one I
was actually born with. This last year, as you may have surmised, was a tad
challenging, I went through a mental, physical, and though not treatment
related, emotional beating (at least my pretty smile was unmarred and my sense
of humor only slightly scared). But somehow, we made it. We being myself and
every person in my life crazy, but also brave enough to help me along the way.
You
will learn, if I decide to keep up with this blog, and you decide to read it, that
I hate cheesy metaphors with a passion, but as I was riding home today I made
one that fit all too well. The Phoenix, a mythical creature many of you probably
only know because you read Harry Potter. The phoenix is bright and colorful
bird often crane like, also sometimes similar to an eagle, that at the end of
its life (500-1000 years) would burst into flame. From its ashes, the phoenix's
offspring is born. Cute huh? One year ago I burst into flame, sounds horrific
actually, and from the ashes, I was given a second chance. I don't know the
women who donated her stem cells to me, but I hope too. Because her selfless
act, may have, hopefully, saved my life.
